Krashing the Kardashian Kolors

Oh, those crazy Kardashians! I can’t say that I’m surprised that they’re the latest pop culture folks to get their own nail polish tie-in. OPI’s got the movies and Nicole by OPI sticks to TV shows and pop-stars, which is very smart marketing if I do say so. Nicole’s Gossip Girl collection started it all, and they followed that one up with the Justin Bieber One Less Lonely Girl collection. I’ll freely admit that I own colors from both collections, and that I’m a pretty big fan of Nicole overall. The colors are bright and fun and good quality for the price point.

Honestly, the Kardashian Kolors are no exception. I just wish Kris had hired me to help name the colors because, personally, I think my names are better! Attention Kris: My consulting fee is $1,000 an hour, minimum of 10 hours. Call me! But seriously, I’m also not afraid to admit that I’ve watched Keeping Up With the Kardashians over the years. It skirts the boundary of where I draw the line with trash TV (although I’m not actually sure exactly where that line does end) and, as such, I feel I’m pretty qualified to give suggestions (and commentary!) on appropriate alternate names for the Kardashian Kolors:

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Top Row, left to right:

  • Shameless Self-Promotion
    –Let’s face it, thanks to Kris’ managerial manoeuvrings, the Kardashian name has become a brand through various promotional deal including everything from diet pills to well, nail polish!
  • Fame Whores
    –Although not quite as bad as Paris Hilton in this arena, the Kardashian ladies have become experts at using their names, TV show, and personalities to gain notoriety. I’m using whore just as an analogy, btw! I actually think the Kardashian ladies are decent people. Seriously! I mean, if you had a mom who was willing to be your manager and get you a TV show and numerous endorsement deals and paid appearances I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t exactly be complaining…
  • Don’t Forget Your Spanx!
    –I don’t think any of the Kardashian ladies are making any public appearances these days without the proper foundation garments. Especially Kim, if she’s wearing one of those tight Herve Leger bandage dresses, as she so often does.
  • DrunK in PubliK
    –Need we count the episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians in which someone has exhibited some degree of drunkenness? I’m fairly certain everyone has had their moment with the hooch on this show
  • Sex Tape Katastrophe
    –Sorry, I couldn’t help it!
  • $$$
    –Remember that band, !!!,? Well, this color name is meant to be sort of along those lines, except instead of pronouncing it chick-chick-chick, say KAching-KAching-KAching like a cash register instead. I think if you look really closely at any of their eyes, you’ll actually see three dollar signs in each of their pupils…

Bottom Row, left to right:

  • Kris’ New Face
    –Oh, that Kris and her plastic surgery! Can’t say that I blame her, though. If I have the money when I’m her age and something needs a little pull or tuck, I’ll be gettin’ myself  a new face, too! But I think Kris has had at least a few other new faces prior to her current one…
  • It’s All Your Fault, Seacrest!
    –If you want to blame anybody for this mess, blame Ryan Seacrest since he’s the creator and producer of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
  • Kim’s Krackberry
    –On the show, Kim is pretty well-known for being attached to her cell-phone at all times. She and Khloe (or was it Kourtney?) even had a fight about it on one episode.
  • X-Ray Ass
    –Surely you caught this season’s episode where Kim went to get an X-Ray done of her as to prove that it’s real, right?
  • Klash of the K’s
    –Somebody’s always fighting with somebody on this show! I guess that’s how it is when you have so many siblings. I mean, I wouldn’t know, I’m an only child, thank god! Maybe this is partly why I’m so fascinated by this show…
  • Krazy Kharma
    –Okay, so I was running of of words that start with K or words I could make start with K….
  • Bruce’s New Face
    –I think this color is as creepy as Bruce’s new face and doesn’t really make sense in this collection but, there you have it!

Now, in case you really care, the actual names of the colors are: Top row, left to right: All Kendall-ed Up, Sealed with a Kris, Kim-pletely In Love, Khloé Had a Little Lam-Lam, Kourt is Red-y for a Pedi, Rainbow in the S-kylie. Bottom row, left to right: Disco Dolls, Listen to Your Momager!, Wear Something Spar-kylie, It’s All About the Glam, Follow Me on Glitter, Kendall on the Katwalk, My Empire… My Rules.

Truthfully, the actual names they came up with are pretty cute and fit the theme of the show and personalities of each family member well. This collection will be available later this year for the holiday season, with each bottle retailing for $7.99. We’ve seen similar colors in other Nicole collections (Follow Me on Glitter, anyone?), but I think they did a good job with the Kardashian Kolors. I’ve already got my eye on Rainbow in the S-kylie and Disco Dolls, and I am not ashamed!

What do you think? Will you be going krazy for any of the Kardashian Kolors?


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